Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Get the Marriage Your Never Wanted

What was the marriage you wanted before you got married? Was it to make you happy? Was it to make your parents happy? Was it to fulfill an obligation? Was it to feel loved all the time?

If you've been married for more than a month, you've discovered that what you wanted and what you got are worlds apart. One option is to think that the marriage is wrong because it's not what you wanted. Choose this and, if the marriage doesn't change, you'll probably end up in divorce.

The other option is to change what you want. Stop making your marriage the vehicle to fulfill your wants. Instead of trying to get your spouse to meet all your needs and desires, you deal with yourself. Try to be happy, fulfilled and content - on your own.

That's what The Marriage You Never Wanted is all about (plus some cool, hand-drawn pictures). My friends Ben and Monica are putting together a wealth of resources. Go to the website, follow them on Twitter, attend a workshop. Ben is a licensed marriage and family therapist, but more than that, he and Monica have done the work. They've been working hard on their marriage, and it shows.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


So I've finally broken down and started up an email list. You can see the signup form right over there. Yup, just to the right. There it is.

I haven't done this yet, mostly because I don't tend to subscribe to email lists, but I've been convinced that I can't just communicate in ways that I like. I need to learn to communicate in ways that other people prefer as well (it almost sounds like there's a principle that could be applied to marriage in there).

If you haven't yet (and if you want to) would you subscribe to the email list? My plan is to use it to announce new book projects (we have one we're working on), discounts and promotions on the book, and news about upcoming events (like a marriage retreat).

What communication methods do you prefer? Which ones take some effort for you to use?